Free-Write, Day 1

9:10


Last night I was dropping Cal off, and got upset because I wanted to stay with her/ didn't want to be home all day. She helped me by asking me to do a few chores. One of them was to do at least 20 minutes of free writing a day, starting today. Although its 9PM, I am doing it, and am happy. I remember doing these in high school, and I didn't mind them then. I'm pretty much just writing what comes to mind, so please excuse me if its all over the place. I'm not much of a writer. I;d like to change that though, and I suppose here is a good place to start. Writing is an important skill for most workers. I have a hard time putting my thoughts into words, and "on to paper". 


Anyways, I had a pretty good day. I woke up at 11, and got 9 hours' sleep, which was nice. I had strawberry oatmeal with my dad. Cal asked me to have breakfast with my dad, because she knows I like to do that. I then piddled around, and finally did some research on my Strong Interest Inventory (SII). I looked up managerial positions, which I thought I might like. I am very organised, and am good at lists and such. Downfalls, I'm sometimes not good at communicating what exactly I'm feeling, especially in writing. I then was organizing my music collection. I like doing that, but it seems a little pointless. It needs to be done sometime though. I thought that what I was doing in my spare time would be like database work or something. Must look that up. 


Oh jeez, its only 9:16 ... How do people do this?


I keep on correcting my mistakes, but I know I should try to keep continually writing. I'm surprised at how much I can write in such a short time/. I'm not exactly thinking of what I'm saying though. Kind of how like I talk. Words just fall out of my mouth, not really being processed by my brain. It gets me in trouble sometimes. 


So, last night. I don't know why I started crying. Maybe I am afraid of being alone. Once I'm home, its not so bad. Maybe I have separation anxiety? I just know that whenever I'm with Cal, going home seems bleak and sad. I do know I have co-dependent tendencies. Thinking of living ones' life alone is sad to me. I feel like everything has more meaning when you share it with someone you love. I saw MCR last weekend, and was thinking how much more special this would be if Cal was with me. But, when leaving Cal, I can't think of anything to do at home. It feels all empty and sad. In reality, I had plenty to do today. Nothing important, but still stuff. 


It'll be interesting when my parents are gone. They've done it before for weeks at a time, so I'm used to it. I've changed since UVic, I do get upset more easily now. I'm not too worried, I just hope people will be willing to come over. I plan on making lots of plans. I'd also like to get high, I feel like if I just have a stint where I can get high whenever I'd like, I'd get over how awesome it is. Kinda. Like, hmm. Awesome isn't the right word, grr, must keep on writing. I'd like to have a FL party, but I'm not sure that'll happen. Perhaps this Saturday, I don't have plans. 


Tomorrow I have an appointment with a career counselor, and hopefully I'll find it helpful. I'm not exactly going to him with a specific question, but I feel like I've at least done a bit of research. I have the rest of the evening, and tomorrow morning. My appt is at 3, but I'd like to be at school by 1 or 2 to catch up with the pride office. I like to go in at least once a week and show my face, keep up with the happenings. I thought I might bike, but am not sure. I don't know if I'll be staying with Cal tomorrow night or what. There is a quiet doms meeting, and I think Curt and I were going to hang out possibly? 


My mom bought me Eggies, and they are sitting at my desk tempting me to eat them. I've already downed like half the package today. My parents are watching a movie, Date Night, right now and I think I might join them. I find though that when I watch movies with them I can't concentrate. I get up and go to the computer, or bring my iPod down, and they bug me about it. So I just don't join them. I suppose since they aren't here for much longer, I should hang with them. 


Right, no much Tuesday. WEIRD! 


 I always plan my day, even if I don't follow it. Like, I already have a plan for tomorrow. I know I have to be at UVic by 3, and I generally sleep till 9. I know I need to shower at some point, but I don't know if I could do that at Cals? I like to know, but she tends to make plans on the fly. I don't like to not know whats happening. 


Hmm. So my first write. I think it went well? I should probably ponder more important things, but I can work on that. I don't know how [or if] I'm going to publish this, but I'd like that, I feel like it'd be less of a waste.