I know I fail it making these blog posts. I really would like to do them more often, I find them very helpful. Right now I feel trapped. I don't want to be at home, I feel uncomfortable and claustrophobic. When I woke up at 8 I took more nyquil in hopes of sleeping more, but no luck. I then smoked a little at 10, and felt pretty good. Around 12 I crashed, eating very little. I got up and showered, and crashed again at 2. [crashing meaning having absolutely no energy, and just laying in bed]. I now feel horrible. I managed to put some turkey between two slices of bread, but haven't aten much else today. I feel very odd right now. I feel like doing something out of the blue, like getting a piercing or something. My dad is home so I can't smoke, but I feel like taking a shot, or going and spending money on unimportant things.
What I'd really like to do is go over to Cals, but I don't think she's up yet. I've been up for nearly 8 hours. I mom will be home in about an hour, and I want to be gone before then. I want to go to Cals and eat a special cookie, and enjoy time with her. She has Victoriana tonight though, so I don't think she'd be down. I cancelled on G for dinner, I didn't think I'd enjoy her company, and didn't want something to push me even further down. I just don't have any energy to get up. I know I should tidy my room, or do my make-up, or pack my bag, but I just don't care. I don't want to change. I don't want to cover my acne, I have no energy. I just want somewhere that I can be my nutty self without judgement. I know I gotta get out of here before my Mom comes home.
I think I'll go to Cals, even though she's not expecting me for another 4 hours.
I got distracted. I made an appointment to get my hair cut, I know I really need it. Saw a make-up post, am going to try that next.
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